This entry sees the return of Evan and Andy, as well as introduces two iconic characters to the Goosebumps series. First, Conan, who is a recurring villain in the Goosebumps series. The second, Cuddles the hamster. Somehow, this hamster became famous and a mascot of Goosebumps, despite other villains being more iconic, interesting, or better written. Anyways, I’ll see if the first Goosebumps sequel can hold up to the original, and considering how bad the first Monster Blood was, this shouldn’t be a difficult task.

Synopsis:

The first few pages of this book are a dream sequence fake out starring Evan. Evan has now moved to Atlanta to join the southern rap scene, but he is currently in science class.

He decides to start talking about Monster Blood in class, which causes everyone to laugh at Evan and call him a liar. Evan responds by calling his teacher Mr. Murphy dumb, now we’ve got the stupid calling other people dumb.

As punishment for being Evan Stupid, he has to take care of the hamster, Cuddles, after class. Evan hates the hamster, so he tells the whole class this. He then has another dream sequence; this is only 10 pages into the book.

After class, Evan is bullied by Conan. Conan goes by Conan the Barbarian, so he must be a bit of a nerd, or just an Arnold Schwarzenegger fan. This is when Conan apologizes for bullying Evan and tells Evan he can punch him for revenge. Evan obliges and hits Conan, which Mr. Murphy sees.

He is now in even more trouble, while Conan doesn’t get in trouble at all. Evan is then forced to clean the disgusting cage of Cuddles but Cuddles escapes.

Cuddles is a genius hamster as Evan finds the rodent eating chalk. Great snack for all creatures. Evan chases Cuddles around the room before Cuddles jumps out a window.

He is then forced to chase Cuddles around the school, eventually leading him out to the baseball field. There, Conan finds Cuddles first. He tells Evan he has to sing to get the hamster back.

This is when Mr. Murphy shows up, too bad Mr. Murphy is deaf to bullying as Evan gets in more trouble for letting Cuddles escape and Conan is praised for saving the creature.

After school, Evan is walking when he gets pushed down, jump scare, it’s Andy. Andy tells Evan she’s just moved to Atlanta, convenient much?

Evan tells Andy about how bad his day was and how unhappy he is at school. Andy eats grass. Yummy, Yummy, grass in my tummy.

She calls Evan stupid for telling his class, which would normally be mean, but as we learned from the last book, he goes by Evan Stupid. This is when she tells Evan she brought something with her and will show him tomorrow.

The next day, Evan is bullied by Conan more and now Mr. Murphy is mad at Evan even more, since he thinks Evan made Cuddles sick. In actuality, Cuddles has an IQ somewhere in the negatives and thought chalk was a snack.

After school, Evan meets with Andy. She brought Monster Blood with her. Why? Really, why? This is so dumb; we saw in the last book how many problems this stuff can create.

Conan conveniently shows up and asks for the bag that the Monster Blood is in. Evan gives Conan an empty bag, this causes Conan to leave, he has a late-night show to run.

Andy and Evan bury the Monster Blood under a tree for safe keeping.

At home, Evan’s dad shows off a giant wheel, which his dad says, no one’s ever made a spinning wheel before. Okay, I bet Evan’s dad’s also not the brightest bulb ever.

After school on Monday, Evan has basketball try outs. As soon as he walks in the gym, he gets hit in the head with a ball, causing him to be knocked unconscious. After waking up and likely having a concussion, Evan is informed Conan threw the ball at his head. During try outs, Evan is destroyed by Conan, which is unsurprising.

Andy and Evan meet up, they have a great revenge plan, feed the Monster Blood to cuddles. Oh boy, this can’t possibly go wrong.

They go to dig for the Monster Blood, but they can’t find it, this causes a realization, Conan took it.

The next day, Evan confronts Conan, who denies taking it. Then Conan locks Evan in his locker. Luckily Evan gets saved by passing students, but this causes him to be late to science class. Mr. Murphy says it’s punishment time, and makes Evan clean Cuddles’ cage again.

That night, Evan and Andy decide to break in and rob Conan’s house. As they are trying to enter, they get jump scared by Trigger. Somehow the second amendment dog followed them to Conan’s house.

As they search the empty house, they’re able to find the Monster Blood. The Monster Blood is now overflowing from the can. However, the family has just returned.

Andy and Evan have to hide, so they hang out the second story window. This is the worst plan of hiding ever. Conan comes upstairs and starts to play rap music, since R. L. Stine doesn’t mention which artist Conan listens to I like imagining some of the potential artists, maybe Vanilla Ice, MC Hammer, or if this wasn’t a children’s book, maybe Tupac.

Trigger starts barking at them, but luckily Conan has to go downstairs for dessert. Andy and Evan are then able to sneak out through the house.

The next day at school, Evan notices that Cuddles is already growing. Mr. Murphy blames Evan for overfeeding the hamster. Evan is now angry at Andy, which makes no sense, since this was the plan.

He then has to stay after class for more punishment from Mr. Murphy. Evan runs into Conan, Conan squeezes his hand, the most brutal form of bullying.

That night, Evan calls Andy, who doesn’t answer the phone. Cool.

The next day, Evan goes to school early. He finds Cuddles has grown to be the size of the cage.

Later, Evan tells Andy he put a leash on Cuddles and tied the hamster to a desk. Andy wonders why Evan isn’t in class, I’m wondering why Andy isn’t in class.

Evan skipped his science class to avoid more punishment. Andy tells Evan Mr. Murphy is actually happy to now own the largest hamster in the world.

The next day, Evan goes over to Andy’s house early. They then go to school early. After arriving after school, they find Mr. Murphy screaming about having a 10-foot tall hamster.

Mr. Murphy fights the giant hamster, insane. Cuddles eats a chair, huh? The giant hamster proceeds to eat, I mean, defeat Mr. Murphy. Evan has a plan. He steals his dad’s giant wheel to use it as a hamster wheel for Cuddles, this plan sucks!

Upon returning, Cuddles has trapped teachers in the room, which I have to wonder, how did this happen? Mr. Murphy has also called the police, but the police have refused to show up, since they don’t believe the story. Wow, these police suck at their job, but then again, what’s new?

Evan tries to use the wheel for Cuddles. This doesn’t work as Cuddles eats the wheel and tears the remainder of it apart. Despite Monster Blood making Cuddles grow, it doesn’t do the same for Cuddles’ brain.

Cuddles then picks up and tries to eat Conan. I don’t see this as a real lost. However, Evan becomes brave, for the first time ever, and wants to save Conan. Why?

Conan screams for help, Evan leaves. He goes with Andy to her locker, where Monster Blood is overflowing from it. How did nobody notice a bunch of green stuff coming out of a locker? Also, does this mean the Monster blood is sentient again?

Of course not, as Evan opens the locker and starts to eat Monster Blood. Evan is now huge, instantly. He goes and saves Conan, but then he stops growing. There’s a battle between him and Cuddles.

An anticlimactic end comes with both Evan and Cuddles returning to normal size. Turns out, the can had just expired. However, this isn’t what happened in the original book, as the Monster Blood was already expired, and it didn’t suddenly stop working.

That night, Andy comes over for dinner. Mr. Murphy shows up for punishment time, as he drops off Cuddles as a gift for Evan. Literally, this makes no sense, he knows Evan hates the hamster, but decides it makes a great gift for the one person who doesn’t want it.

Andy then reveals another surprise to Evan, she has more Monster Blood, a fresh can. Great, nobody has learned anything.

After dinner, somehow Cuddles has escaped his cage and is now eating something. Book ends.

Review:

The good news, this isn’t the worst Goosebumps book I’ve read. In fact, it’s mostly better than the last few, but it still sucks.

The main problems remain with Evan being unlikeable, characters being dumb, plot holes, lack of continuity, a contrived plot, weak villains, and overall, a rather weak plot.

There is at least some good to this story, Evan is somewhat more bearable, Andy is the only slightly likeable character, the plot has a good pace, it’s not boring, and the book has a decent ending, allowing for another entry in the Monster Blood storyline.

I think the biggest problem remains with the characters not being that great. I also didn’t like how a lot of the good aspects from the first book were removed or changed. Cuddles is a super lame villain, and Conan isn’t nothing new or original to the Goosebumps books. This feels more like a rough draft for a Monster Blood book, than a completed version.

I think the first book is better in almost every way.

I’ll give this Goosebumps entry a solid 4/10. So close to greatness, yet so far away at the same time.

Twist ending:

Monster Blood expires, Cuddles may have eaten more Monster Blood.

Memorable line:

“I’m not a bone!” But you have bones, so not entirely wrong.

Memorable moment, cliffhanger, etc:

Tonight, on WWE, we have a 10-foot kid vs. a 10-foot hamster. One day only special!

Bad Parenting:

Don’t try to convince your kid you invented the wheel.

Random references:

Basketball, Conan the Barbarian, MTV, and Michael Jordan. I wonder who would win a basketball game, Conan the Barbarian or Michael Jordan?

Tropes in book:

Character is 12 (Evan was 12 in last book), just moved, pranks, Andy jump scare, nobody believes a character’s crazy story, crazy cliffhangers, and monster blood.

TV tie-in:

None. Well, technically, there is a sequel to the Goosebumps episode of Monster Blood, but it is completely unrelated to this Goosebumps book. For that reason, I will cover it at some point in the future when I cover Goosebumps episodes, later TV series, or movies that aren’t directly tied to or based off a book.

The episode isn’t comparable to the book, so it isn’t really a TV tie-in of this Goosebumps book. The good news, this book doesn’t have an episode with a really bad green screened giant Cuddles.

My rating for this Goosebumps episode: 0/10. It doesn’t exist.

Come back soon for more Goosebumps fun and reviews.

To read the last Goosebumps review: https://goosebumpsblogger.com/goosebumps-17-why-im-afraid-of-bees/

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