The third entry in the Goosebumps series introduces the iconic Monster Blood. This review comes with extra slime, free of charge. Published in 1992.

Synopsis:

Evan Ross is dropped off by his mom at his great aunt’s house. He isn’t too pleased about this, since Evan hates pretty much everything. Evan doesn’t like his hair being rubbed, staying with aunt, the house, or just about anything else in this novel. There’s been a family emergency, and Evan can’t come along. The emergency in question, Evan’s father is being transferred to Atlanta.

The one good thing is that Evan has his dog Trigger, the second amendment cocker spaniel. As they wait for his great aunt Kathryn to answer the door, Evan thinks of the things he’s heard about her. This includes Kathryn being deaf and a bit strange.

When Kathryn comes to the door, she looks much younger than Evan expected, with her having black hair, she also carries a bloody knife. The horror is quickly gone as Kathryn says she was cutting beef. Who answers a door holding a bloody knife though? Evan is shocked by her voice, describing it as, “Her voice was deep, deep as man’s. She spoke clearly.” Kathryn proceeds to call herself a crazy old witch.

Evan heads up to his new room. Inside he finds it to be a study with bookcases, a desk, and a mahogany table, quite bougie. In his new room Evan can’t figure out what to do without a computer, TV, or video games; and they give Zoomers a hard time these days. This is when Evan gets jump scared by the cat, Sarabeth. Kathryn saves Evan and calls the cat evil. Trigger is losing his mind over the cat, so Kathryn says she’ll have to take care of the dog, (please don’t be a repeat of Welcome to Dead House). Luckily it isn’t as what Kathryn meant she was taking the dog outside.

Evan takes the opportunity to go for a walk with Trigger. Trigger ends up escaping from Evan. When Evan catches Trigger, he is snuck up on by Andrea. During introductions, instead of saying his name, Evan says, “It’s me.” Andrea says she goes by Andy, and throughout the novel makes many jokes, none of which are quite as funny as anything Andy from The Office has said. He eventually comes up with an ingenious nickname for himself, Evan Stupid. Then everything is stupid, and then I’m 5% stupider after reading that.

Andy takes Evan on a tour of the town. It’s a small town, so I hope Evan doesn’t get lost. They head to an old toy store. At the toy store, they find a can of… Title Drop, also known as monster blood. After finding the monster blood, Evan is jumped scared by the owner. Evan asks for the price on the monster blood, but the owner doesn’t want to sell it to him, because it’s (supposedly) expired. However, when Andy joins in and asks, the owner says $2. Evan and Andy spend a considerable time arguing over who should own the monster blood.

Andy and Evan agree to sort of share the monster blood, with Evan being the one who owns it. They head to great aunt Kathryn’s house to check out the monster blood. Kathryn notices the kids coming inside the house, the only feedback she offers is telling Evan to be careful after seeing the monster blood.

Evan and Andy open the can of monster blood. It appears to be like Jello, but is bright green, like kryptonite. The stuff also glows in the dark. They find that the monster blood bounces and is cold. Later they take the monster blood outside, which leads to Evan’s dog Trigger eating the monster blood. This one is on Evan, however, Trigger eating a mystery substance will become important.

The next day, Evan is heading out to play. He notices that Kathryn is wearing a bone necklace before going outside, maybe she’s a part of the Sawyer family. When Evan is walking outside, he runs into two twins, Tony and Rick. Tony and Rick may be from The Sopranos as they start to shake down Evan when they meet him by asking for a toll to be on their block.

Andy shows up to save Evan, but the only way she’s able to save Evan is by getting assaulted instead of Evan by the twins. The twins do this while stealing her bike. Evan stands by watching this occur, not doing anything. Turns out the biggest villain in the book might be the twins and not the monster blood. Andy proceeds to head home, while Evan is still unhelpful.

When Evan gets home, he notices Trigger is choking. Evan saves Trigger by removing his collar. Trigger has begun to grow, but Evan refuses to believe that’s a possibility.

Another day passes. In the morning Evan is out walking where he discovers a cat tied to a tree, likely the handy work of the twins. Evan and Andy work together to save the cat. They next head to Evan’s house where they have a monster blood slime ball fight. Trigger has grown more, so soon there may be a kaiju sized Trigger running around.

The next morning, the monster blood is still growing, and I’ll get this out of the way now, the monster blood will continue to grow for the rest of the novel.

Evan takes Trigger to a veterinarian, which somehow Evan was able to schedule a vet visit in under a day while also being a child, with only $8. The vet says Trigger is fine and his increasing size must be a late growth spurt. Sure Doc. Somehow Evan buys this though, which is no shock since his new name is Evan Stupid. Afterwards Evan goes to buy Trigger food, but while doing this the twins try to steal his dog. Trigger is a big boy now and chases the twins all the way home. Good boy. Now Evan can’t find the twins, so he heads over to Andy’s house to discuss the monster blood, and to leave some with her.

As Evan is leaving from Andy’s house, he runs into the twins. The twins beat and assault Evan, leaving him with bruises all over his face and body. Evan considers calling the police to report the twins, but nope, he never does. Upon returning home Kathryn only seems almost unworried about Evan’s injuries. Evan on the other hand is more concerned about the monster blood and moves it to a tub.

While finishing putting the monster blood in the tub, he gets scared by the cat. This causes him to fall into the ever-growing blood, which he escapes within a second.

Another day comes. Evan tells his great aunt Kathryn about the monster blood, but she doesn’t believe him, despite her already knowing about the monster blood and warning him. Andy and Evan meet up, where they figure out containment for the monster blood. They first put it in trash bags and head to the toy store. The toy store is Out of Business though, making it impossible to return the monster blood. With fewer options, they return back to Kathryn’s house. Evan and Andy throw the monster blood into the garbage, which will one day create the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Now inside, Evan is told by his great aunt, his parents are returning later today. Trigger has grown even more so Evan chases Trigger, causing him to knock over the trash can, and he falls on top of it. The monster blood comes to life. This when the monster blood starts chasing Evan and Andy.

The monster blood during the chase consumes a bird, then the twins, and is quickly becoming the blob. Evan and Andy circle back around and head towards the house. Kathryn opens the door, screams, and runs inside. The monster blood follows them into the house.

Kathryn says she created the monster blood, but quickly changes it to Sarabeth who created the monster blood. Evan realizes she’s a witch, just not of the Roal Dahl variety. The cat transforms into a woman.

Sarabeth is another witch and has control over the monster blood. She’s an evil witch though and it turns out Kathryn was made deaf by her. She says they must all die now and tells the monster blood to “kill the children.” Trigger who is now huge, becomes the deus ex machina of the book and accidentally pushes Sarabeth into the monster blood. Now consumed by the monster blood, the monster blood and Sarabeth sink out of existence and disappear. Everything is returned back to normal, including Kathryn’s hearing, I think. The twins survive being consumed. At that moment the book ends with Evan’s mom arriving.

Review:

This is the weakest book so far. First, Evan isn’t the most likable character, since he complains the entire book and is generally annoying. Next, there is repeated language which feels a bit lazy, for example, when Trigger grows, he is described as a pony, and later he is described as a pony, or the whole Evan stupid section. About halfway through the novel Evan forgets that Kathryn is his great aunt, and just changes it to Aunt Kathryn. The evil twins in this book are evil to a ridiculous extent, I’m convinced they’re the real villains of the book.

Half of my notes are just “the monster blood grows.” A big question is if Kathryn knew about the monster blood and Evan having it, why doesn’t she believe him?

There are some positives. Sarabeth makes for a good twist villain. Great Aunt Kathryn is at least interesting and adds some highlights, for example, joking about cooking Trigger (not the dog!). And at worst, when the book is middling, there’s always monster blood being mentioned. This book didn’t give me Goosebumps.

I’ll give this Goosebumps entry a 5/10. It could have been so much better and is thus by far the weakest Goosebumps book.

Twist ending:

Sarabeth isn’t a cat, she’s an evil witch.

Memorable Line:

Maybe I could give it to Kathryn and tell her it’s beef. Then she’d chop it up with that big knife.” Kathryn may be deaf, but she isn’t blind, Evan. This also is in reference to the monster blood.

Memorable moment, cliffhanger, etc:

Evan has a nightmare he’s a giant. Too scary.

Bad Parenting:

Evan’s mom leaves him with his great aunt, who nobody has seen in years. All because they can’t be bothered to watch Evan for a few days while in Atlanta.

Random References:

Hopalong Cassidy, Indiana Jones, a telegram in the 90s, and Nintendo, now I’m really reading with power!

Tropes in book:

Staying with a relative, character is 12 years old, twist ending, crazy cliffhangers, cat jump scare, out of business store, and monster blood (it will be back).

TV Tie-in:

If you thought the book was bad, oh boy, the episode is even worse. There are many changes to the story, but one of them isn’t making Evan less of a whiner. In the episode is great aunt is actually old and she’s allergic to dogs. The twins are also not in the episode, so Evan doesn’t get beaten up. The monster blood is in the house from the start with Evan and Andy stealing it from the forbidden room.

The one good thing that does happen is Trigger becomes a kaiju, and his bark is so loud (and scary) it causes Sarabeth to fall into the monster blood. This is what ultimately defeats her. However, no other characters are affected by the terror of the bark.

The ending is a cliffhanger with Evan on a plane telling another kid the story, before we get a to be continued. From my recollection, the next episode doesn’t tie into the books. The episode is basically a toned-down version of the book that skimps on any real chills. Hopefully, future Goosebumps episodes are a bit better.

A solid 4/10, and I think that might be a bit generous for this episode of Goosebumps. I’m hoping future episode of Goosebumps are a bit better.

Memorable episode line:

“Woof!” Good boy Trigger.

Come back soon for more reviews and Goosebumps fun.

To read the last Goosebumps review: https://goosebumpsblogger.com/goosebumps-2-stay-out-of-the-basement/

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